Jane Nyce, longtime director of Staying Put in New Canaan, is retiring to coastal Maine in about two weeks—there, she’ll spend time hiking and kayaking with her husband of 38 years, invite plenty of Connecticut friends and her three kids (maybe grandkids soon, “knock on wood,” she says), and pursue more work with seniors.
“I can’t sit still,” was the last thing she told us during an interview Wednesday, transcribed in full below.
Jane Nyce, original executive director of 330-member Staying Put in New Canaan, is retiring June 22. Credit: Michael Dinan
We talked about the organization, the way it serves New Canaan, the town itself and its future. We talked about her family, her first date with the man who would become her husband (she asked him to a movie and dinner—and remembers what she made and what he brought, though not the film), and delved into her rich and interesting educational and professional backgrounds.
Thank you to Jane for your readiness in being available for an interview, and for your candor during our conversation. Here it is:
New Canaanite: One of the big things that’s coming out of the POCD is the aging population. And we’ve known that for years and years.
Jane Nyce: For decades, actually.
Decades. And so here we are and we have organizations similar to this in some of our surrounding towns.
We’re the biggest. We’re the oldest.
What’s your membership like?
We have about 330 individuals which is over 10 percent of the seniors, shall we say, 65 and over in this town, that are members.
Tell me about how this all started here. You’ve been here since the beginning.
Yes. I started here as an intern. The group that had started was an incredibly dedicated group. I came in with a board of 25 people when I started. And that included the original impetus behind this was Pat Stoddard, Ellie O’Neill and Dr. David Brown. They got together a huge group of people that are knowledgeable and passionate about the idea of helping seniors in town. And it isn’t, by the way, the problem, that New Canaan doesn’t have enough resources. It does. New Canaan has a lot of incredible resources. I know a lot of other towns in this area and around the country that would just love to have a Lapham Community Center, an incredible library, the historical society and town services. But a lot of our members have said we didn’t know all the resources we had and it’s hard not to have a place where we are coordinating all of the different things I need to stay in my own home. There are a lot of stresses to being older that increase as you get older. And that includes things like, ‘What am I going to do in a suburb if I can’t drive anymore?’ That’s a huge concern around the country. So you start with that, it is our biggest request. We do work with Getabout. But Getabout is a door-to-door service, where we are an in-the-door and in-the-door, so we help people just getting through the heavy doors and waiting for the elevators, they are anxious when they’re going to the doctors about what is going to happen, and so we want to help take that stress off. Having someone stay there, take notes for them. All those kinds of things. That’s one of the biggest requests we get.
What brought you as an intern initially?
OK sorry, let me back up. Going back, I was in a master’s for health advocacy program at Sarah Lawrence. Sarah Lawrence is the only one in the country that does this. So at the end, I had to do three internships. And I had not done one in the community. But all my other internships had to do with issues that revolved around seniors, so my director said, ‘You know what they’re doing in communities and they’re just starting up? Around the country is this village concept based on Beacon Hill Village, the neighborhood village up there. But they’re very different. So we’re the first suburban model.
You were living in New Canaan at the time—
—I live in Wilton. Still Wilton.
Are you from Wilton?
No, grew up in Greenwich.
Greenwich High School?
No, School of the Holy Child in Rye.
What year did you graduate?
’70. And I went to Smith 1974. Then I went to Cornell in the doctorate program in psychology.
What was your degree at Smith?
It was psychology.
So bachelor’s in psychology.
Bachelor’s in psychology and then I went into a doctorate program at Cornell in psychology.
Isn’t there usually a master’s degree somewhere in between?
They do not do a terminal master’s, so you don’t get that. Doesn’t matter. So anyway, after five years and no money—
—This is after you get your doctorate?
No, I didn’t get my doctorate. I did my first part of my thesis, and my husband was living in Chicago for a year and we ran out of money for me to go back and forth, and so I said, ‘You know what? I hate this.’ So I had a job. So I left for a job in market research.
Did you go to Chicago?
Of course, my husband was there. So we lived there for a long time.
Wedding photo. Contributed
When were you married?
’76.
Where did you meet your husband?
At Cornell, day one.
Oh at Cornell, day one?
Yes, I asked him out.
You did?
Day one.
You asked him out. What year was that?
1974.
’74. That’s 40 years ago.
Yes it is. We’ve been married for 38.
What was the first date?
I invited him to come to dinner, we’re going to go to a movie. I said, ‘Who would like to go to a movie with me?’ And I had one other girl there who was already married and I knew she was going back to see her husband, so he said, ‘I’ll come.’ And I said, ‘That’s great. Come to dinner.’
What did you see?
Can’t remember what I saw. I remember what I made him for dinner, though. Made him clam spaghetti, I think it was. Clam spaghetti and he brought a melon and a bottle of wine.
Very nice. Do you have children?
Three children. Where are they?
One is living in New Haven. She’s married, just married less than a year. And her husband is a doctor at Yale, he’s a resident in radiology. And she works in New York for a consulting company that works on building branding around their social consciousness kind of thing.
She commutes from New Haven to New York?
Yes she does, two hours every day each way. Horrible, but she loves what she’s doing. And my son is a med student up at Tufts, and my daughter is a nursing student at NYU.
Wow. OK, so there’s a clinical bent in your family somehow.
Which is really weird. It had not happened before. But my father-in-law was a doctor, a hometown doctor.
You started as an intern. When did you become the director?
They offered the job in September, and after the internship I applied with everybody else and they knew what they were getting with me and I knew what I was getting with them, so it was a really great combination.
What year was that?
That was in 2007.
That was 2007. And you are retiring soon.
I am. June 22nd. We are having a picnic fundraiser here, right up on Oenoke Lane.
At a private residence?
It is.
Can people still participate and support the fundraiser?
Well, if they would like to come, I’m sure we can make them a friend of Staying Put, yes. Tickets are $50.
Is the link online?
Good question. The invitations went out to all of our members.
If there’s something I can to do help by putting a link in the story, that’s all.
Oh you’re so sweet. So that’s my farewell.
You told me you’re going to Maine.
Yes, I have a home up there.
You have a home up there. So you know exactly where you’re going and it’s not too bad in the winter because it’s near the seafront.
It’s right on the water. So we’re very happy about it. We’ve got a group of friends are all in the same stage of life that are building around us. So we’ve already got great friends up there, and our children love it up there.
And you’ll be visited by children and grandchildren and all that.
Absolutely, grandchildren. Knock on wood. Please.
And your husband went to Cornell for psychology as well?
Yes. He did get his doctorate. I’m what they call ‘ABD.’
He was further along when you got there.
No, we both started at the same time. He’s a very efficient fellow: He finished in exactly four years.
Have Staying Put’s administrative offices always been located here on Pine Street?
This is the first place we rented. We had two places. United Way, back in the old United Way, it gave us free space for three months.
Over on Vitti Street.
Over on Vitti Street, yes. And then we got free space from David Bentley and Frank Farrell, they have I think Bentley and Farrell headhunting firm, that’s over by the Racquet Club. They gave us free space. David’s wife Judy is on our board.
I looked at your website and looked at your board list and it’s like a Who’s Who.
Thank you.
There are so many people that just jump off the page and it’s a big group too.
It is. I’ve had a lot of bosses. (Laughs.) There’s a lot of say-so in these groups. It’s a great board.
Describe this organization to me. So if someone comes in as a client—
—a member.
A member. If someone comes in as a member, they avail themselves of what services? What are you doing for them?
Exactly, so our mission is to keep people safe and connected in their homes, wherever their homes are, in New Canaan. So their homes might be standalone homes, houses. They can be condos. They can be Schoolhouse Apartments. They can be Canaan Parish. They can be the New Canaan Inn. So it’s all kinds of definitions of homes, and the idea is to basically make you feel as I said, safe and connected. And in connected, we talked about the transportation: Get you to your doctor’s appointments, big thing is hair appointments. Who knew? Hair appointments really make you feel your best. So a lot of people do that. To the library. To the grocery store and prescriptions. So we’re transporting people as far as Westport to Greenwich. Most of the rides are Norwalk, doctors in Norwalk, Darien and Stamford, to all of those doctors and specialists and of course New Canaan and Wilton. So that’s a big deal to people. Because you fall off a cliff. When you are no longer driving, you feel like, ‘Oh my god, what am I doing?’ So that’s why I mention that first. But also do some errands for people if they need some groceries. We also reach out to people when there are things like very hot weather: ‘Can we bring you Gatorade or ginger ale or something?’ So we know our members. We know them in their homes. We know what they need in terms of trying to make them safer, by getting help in the homes when they need help. ‘How about a companion, to be there in the morning, to get you a good breakfast? Clean up after you? Make sure you’re organized for the day?’ So when people start trying to worry about keeping everything together so it’s safe, we recommend the medical alerts, we recommend a companion or an aide if they need it. We keep an eye on folks when they let us into their homes, which is most of the time.
What are the biggest challenges to you in seeing through those goals—reaching the people you need to reach? The biggest hurdles to seeing through the mission of the organization as fully as you possibly can in New Canaan?
It is working around the kinds of issues that one has as aging. That you hopefully join us and get to know us before you are ailing, before you are at a point where you are very needy in terms of, ‘It’s so big,’ but part of what the blocks are is we are all in denial for our needs. People are not planning for it. They don’t know how to plan for it. And they don’t want to believe that they have stepped over a line.
That’s what I wanted to ask you. It would seem that there’s a threshold you cross one day, where you no longer can look after yourself the way you did, and it could manifest itself in a horrible way like a fire or a fall.
It tends to be more of the falls. It tends to be more of some physical things that you are no longer able to handle. Your eyesight is bad. Your hearing is bad. And it’s gradual. The cliffs obviously are if you have a crash, but that’s not normally the case. Hopefully if family is stepping in, but we sometimes see the family is in denial, because they’ve been dealing with it day by day.
You must be part of a big referral network here in town that involves human services, other nonprofits, medical professionals.
Absolutely and thank god for the town. As I said, people didn’t realize all the resources they had in town, like the fact that our town has a community nurse that can come in and do blood pressures. They will check on wounds to see if there’s an infection. A very, very granular level of help for people. And the town is good about reaching out to us, saying, ‘Come work with us. This is someone who could be a special member, who has financial limitations and cannot pay your membership fee comfortably.’ We work with the town for whatever they have. Or the churches. Or Visiting Nurse.
You said they knew what they were getting. You knew what you were getting. What has surprised you about the job, what you’ve learned about the community—people, your field, anything.
I guess what surprised us is how many people will wait until they are literally being discharged or almost to discharge, coming home from something. Where we have a family member from across the country who is calling us, and saying, ‘My mom is getting out in a week from Waveny. Can you help us figure out what to do?’ We love the idea of getting a younger group, where they are thinking of this as an insurance program. But instead a lot of people say, ‘I don’t need it yet.’ This is true around the country. Everybody is hearing that same thing, but it’s very frustrating that you’re coming in so very late in a process when somebody needs help. So we have aged, unfortunately, where our average age is 81. It should be younger. Around the country, when you get started on these, a lot of people do it because they think, ‘I do want to support you because I want you to be here for seniors in town. And I do want you to be here for me when I need you.’ Even if they can afford full-time help. They know they can trust us, talk to us about anything, and we do get that honor from people.
That is an honor and it’s trust and it’s an intimate, vulnerable place that many people must be in. I take it you had some experience of New Canaan growing up in Greenwich and living in Wilton. What was your experience of New Canaan prior to Staying Put?
You’re a lovely place to come to dinner. I’ve lived in Wilton now for 20 some-odd years with a small break when we moved to Florida. And we were the dry town. And the wonderful places to eat were in Ridgefield and New Canaan, and we played soccer and lacrosse against you. We swam against you, my kids growing up—
—the Wahoos?
My daughter was a Wahoo.
Under Tim?
Yes she was. She loved it.
I was a New Canaan Y swimmer under Rich Ludemann. And my big rival was a kid named Alex Albert. He was a Wahoo. I swam the mile, and my mom and his mom got very close doing the counting for us.
Exactly. We were in awe of those.
What I wanted to ask you was: What does it mean to you? Because this is one of those jobs where it’s a relationship job. And you get to meet people and know people and you see people become vulnerable, when they are vulnerable. And it’s a trust type of thing. So what sort of goes through your head as this June 22 date approaches? What are your thoughts?
Oh my gosh. I have had the best job of my life. I’ve done corporations, I’ve done consulting. But this is the dream job for me. I’m a type-A person. I come in and I never know what kind of challenge we are going to have and how we can address someone’s needs, including, ‘My roommate has fallen and she needs to call 911 and she won’t’ and we will go over there and we will get help. We can walk into someone’s house and we will say, ‘You know what? We’re not going to pick you up. We shouldn’t pick you up. You need to call 911.’ They’re very embarrassed that they’ve fallen. We can tell them that they actually need to go and they’ll say, ‘OK.’ So we will be available for them when they need that. Or we’ll meet them in the emergency room, when somebody calls and says, ‘I’m really dizzy and I can’t get a hold of my doctor’ and we think it’s more than just ‘Have some Gatorade.’ It’s, ‘You need to go to immediate care and we’ll take you there or if it’s emergency room, you should call 911 and get the very competent people in town to help you and we’ll meet you. We’ll stay with you until family can be here.’ Lot of people don’t have family. That’s the worst, when you don’t have the family support. Very scary thing for many members, and we know we are their closest thing to family. But what am I going to take away? Everyone says, ‘Oh we’re going to miss you so much’ and I say, ‘You know what? I’ve got 330 of you to miss.’ I am really, really worried about leaving the energy that I get from this group. When they come in and there are people in there chatting and talking, it’s just infectious and I will miss that. I have invited any number of members to come up and visit in Maine so I can have them stay at our place and hang out. I will just miss it, so I know I will be back.
There is someone lined up to succeed you.
Yes, she’s here. Well, she’s at a meeting this morning. Barb Achenbaum.
How do you spell her name?
A-C-H-E-N-B-A-U-M.
I want to talk to her separately when she starts. But can you give me some idea of Barb?
Barb is an ideal lady. She is very energetic, personable, great personality for our seniors here. So that I know is important to our board. They know that people want to have a good listener. Someone who is a problem-solver. Barb is going to add that and that kind of passion for our members, so she is good. She has lived in New Canaan for the last 11 or 12 years. She’s comfortable with seniors. She has worked a lot in fundraising, she’s worked a lot with volunteer services, she’s run Encore. And she’s been working at the high school. So she’s very familiar with a lot of the elements that we need.
Suppose it’s 10 years from now. Barb is running things. You’re up in Maine. You haven’t been able to get down here—it’s not true—but say it is. In 10 years, and I think of the Plan of Conservation and Development because it’s due every 10 years by law, so they make projections about the demographics, and there are some guiding principles of development and what we’re going to need to serve the town. What’s New Canaan going to look like in 10 years, how will it look different if at all, do you think?
It is going to be 20 percent will be over 65. Right now it’s only 13 or 14 percent. But with 20 percent, one of the things we know is that our seniors right now are asking about things that they know they are going to need. Saying, ‘Do you know places where I can downsize?’ A lot of these homes that they’ve built and lived in for many, many years are not made for aging. They need too many home adaptations. They are going to be isolated if they’re further out of town, so we have people saying, ‘Do you know of any places that have a bedroom on a first floor? That don’t have stairs? That are smaller so I know they will take care of the maintenance and property all around?’ That is stressful. So we do a lot of home maintenance, home repair. Getting them to a service provider right now, either volunteer or professional. But it gets more and more anxious, they know all of the work they have to do to take care of it and if the house is aging, what are the problems?
Well how is that physically going to look in New Canaan? Will it look different or will people just reconfigure their homes?
There is a point at which people will say, ‘I never want to leave my home and I want to reconfigure it. You’re going to take me out of here feet first.’ I hear that all the time. So there are people that are just going to have to pay for the support that they are going to need. There are going to be more needs for home health aides. You know what I would love to see? I would love to see New Canaan Inn be able to double in size. It’s a fabulous place. The rooms are small. They’ve heard this forever. We would love it. It’s a great organization and the staff there is amazing. So, the kind of independent, ‘assisted-living light’ version, they need to grow that capability in town big time. Having the virtual CCRC [Continuing Care Retirement Community]—I know the CCRC went down in flames, several decades worth of proposals—but having some place where people can feel that they will be able to move with more need to more help. People don’t want to leave New Canaan. They have their doctors here. They have their churches here. They’re incredibly connected. Why would they want to leave? I would love it if you have more buildings that are closer to town that are for seniors. So you have things that are following universal design, which is great. We’re going to need more of that. Steps have been taken, with renovations to Town Hall that should be good for people with disabilities. We have a lot of people with walkers, and they have to walk a long distance from parking cars, to get downtown. A lot of our seniors do not want to go on Elm Street because it’s too difficult to park there. Parking coming down those stairs? Stairs and a long way—that’s not good for seniors.
Wait. Which stairs?
Coming down from the parking. The public parking above Elm Street. How do you get down? Good luck on that.
Oh, the Park Street lot, behind Outback and all that.
Yes, that’s down stairs and a long walk for people with walkers and canes. They don’t like those stairs, for one. Otherwise they’re going down slopes. I know that people say they don’t use Elm Street a lot when they’re older because it is not easy to find safe parking. Do I wish people could walk into town? Yes. I would rather that we had people who were in their 70s downsizing and moving into places that are prepared for aging and that they could stay in for 20 years.
Which we don’t have yet.
We don’t have it. I know we’re all talking about it. But you asked me 10 years and we don’t have it.
What are you going to be doing a month from now? What are you going to do in your retirement? What do you enjoy?
I love being on the water and that’s one of the gifts of going to Maine. We do a lot of kayaking. We do a lot of hiking. So I’m going to continue with that. And I’m also going to continue working with the national level. The Village Network is our national network for villages around the country. There are about 125 that are open around the country. I am helping them do a national reorganization. And I’m trying to help them do something for seniors up there. I’m going to see what we can do up there, either as a volunteer or paid. I will be volunteering for something. I can’t sit still.